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孙三五:带你skr出英语作文好句子的超实用技能——仿写的四个角度

2018-08-18 14:28:11来源:

原标题:孙三五:带你skr出英语作文好句子的超实用技能——仿写的四个角度

我们每次看到阅读中的好句子的时候,总会发出感叹:要是我也能写出这样的句子多好。很多人都会摘抄和背诵。

但很遗憾的是,很多时候这并不能解决问题。你会发现背诵的东西很难用在写作里。然而写作能力优秀的同学就会不一样,他(她)会仿照这个好句子进行写作。

近年来,应该说读后仿写是一个比较受欢迎的写作训练的手段。但笔者注意到一个现象:无论是仿写的语篇框架结构还是句式都是教师事先设计好,学生要进行的不过就是翻译式填空的练习。一旦放手让学生自己去进行这样的工作,会觉得非常困难。

譬如前不久我就费了很大的心血设计出这样的练习,效果不是我想的那样好。

干货推送 | 阅读佳句仿写65句通关

我认为,主要原因是两个方面:

第一、对语篇的写作修辞的赏析能力欠缺。一个句子之所以出彩,不仅仅是谓语动词或动词短语,还有可能是名词短语,甚至一个副词,一个插入语的运用;

第二、对句子的表达功能识别能力欠缺。因为每个句子在语意上都表达了不同的功能,或定义,或比较,或举例等等。

这种发现让我重新审视自己的读后仿写的训练思维,即如何从我替学生设计仿写练习,变成如何让学生自己去发现和训练。

经过最近半个月的探索,我总结为四个角度的意识培养。前三个如果说从技上着眼,那么第四个就是从能上开花。另外我认为所有的句子都应该贴上一个话题功能标签。即,这个句子能用在什么场合下。

教学程序分为三步:

首先让学生挑出本文你认为写的最好的句子,并说明原因。

其次让学生设想应用场景,这就给每个句子附上话题功能标签,这个标签并非唯一的。

最后要求学生自己造句,分为:单句造句;微型语篇(教师先把大家的句子都荟萃,并分类好)

这个三步过程,中间也出现了一些小问题,学生的应用场景联想不是无话可说,就是天马行空。作为应试写作教学,我认为一定要缩小功能话题范围。我把这个范围放在两个方面:

一、课标中的主题范围

二、高考写作真题的话题

譬如,我昨天课堂上让学生对2016年江苏阅读进行读后仿写设计。原文:

1 El Niño, a Spanish term for “the Christ child”, was named by South American fisherman who noticed that the global weather pattern, which happens every two to seven years, reduced the amount of fishes caught around Christmas. El Niño sees warm water, collected over several years in the western Pacific, flow back eastwards when winds that normally blow westwards weaken, or sometimes the other way round.

2 The weather effects both good and bad, are felt in many places. Rich countries gain more from powerful Niño, on balance, than they lose. A study found that a strong Niño in 1997-98 helped American’s economy grow by 15 billion, partly because of better agricultural harvests, farmers in the Midwest gained from extra rain. The total rise in agricultural incomes in rich countries is greater than the fall in poor ones.

3 But in Indonesia extremely dry forests are in flames. A multi-year drought (干旱) in south-east Brazil is becoming worse. Though heavy rains brought about by El Niño may relieve the drought in California, they are likely to cause surface flooding and other disasters.

4 The most recent powerful El Niño, in 1997-98, killed around 21,000 people and caused damage worth $36 billion around the globe. But such Niño come with months of warning, and so much is known about how they happen that governments can prepare. According to the Overseas Development Institute (ODI), however, just 12% of disaster-relief funding in the past two decades has gone on reducing risks in advance, rather than recovery and rebuilding afterwards. This is despite evidence that a dollar spent on risk-reduction saves at least two on reconstruction.

5 Simple improvements to infrastructure (基础设施)can reduce the spread of disease. Better sewers (下水道)make it less likely that heavy rain is followed by an outbreak of the disease of bad stomach. Stronger bridges mean villages are less likely to be left without food and medicine after floods. According to a paper in 2011 by Mr Hsiang and co-authors, civil conflict is related to El Niño harmful effects—and the poorer the country, the stronger the link. Though the relationship may not be causal, helping divided communities to prepare for disasters would at least reduce the risk that those disasters are followed by killing and wounding people. Since the poorest are least likely to make up for their losses from disasters linked to El Niño, reducing their losses needs to be the priority.

一、从语法角度

原句1:El Niño, a Spanish term for “the Christ child”, was named by South American fisherman who…

(相当于:N, a …, 谓语, 定语从句)

仿写:Online rating, a term for judging the popularity of products online, enjoys high popularity among the young who feel that it can reduce the amount of time wasted on shopping. (2018江苏高考)

二、从词汇和词块的角度

(1)动词的角度

原句2:El Niño sees warm water, collected over several years in the western Pacific, flow backeastwards when winds that normally blow westwards weaken, or sometimes the other way round.

(sth see…, done over several years, do.)

仿写:These days sees online ratings, invented by some online companies, enjoy high popularity among the young.

(2)短语句型的角度

原句3:Rich countries gain morefrom powerful Niño, on balance, than they lose.

(sb gain more from…than he loses.)

仿写:Consumers gain more from online ratings, on balance, than they lose. (2017江苏高考)

(3)名词词块的角度

原句4:The total rise inagricultural incomes in rich countries is greater than the fall in poor ones.

仿写:The total rise in people’s income in China makes a big difference.(2017江苏高考)

三、语法和词块的混合的角度

必须强调的是,把语法结构和词块等结合进行仿写才是最有效的,虽然这看起来就是戴着脚镣跳舞,但这样才能让写作的句子更地道。

原句5:Thoughheavy rains brought about byEl Niño may relievethe drought in California, they are likely to cause surface flooding and other disasters.

(Though sth brought about by…may relieve…, they are likely to cause…)

仿写:Though convenience caused by online ratings may relieve people’s confusion in shopping, they are likely to make people fall into producers’ traps. (2018江苏高考)

四、从表达功能的角度

1.因果关系阐述句

原句6:But such Niño come with months of warning, and so much is known about how they happen that governments can prepare.

仿写:Online ratings comes with all kinds of distrust, and so little is known about the truth that many consumers resist it.

原句7:Stronger bridges mean villagesare less likely to be leftwithout food and medicine after floods.

仿写:It means that consumers are less likely to be left helpless after being tricked.

原句8:civil conflict is related toEl Niño harmful effects—and the poorerthe country, the stronger the link.

仿写:People’s income is related to the prosperity of movies—and the higher the income, the stronger the link. (2017年江苏高考)

2.衔接句或总结句:

原句9:This is despite evidence that a dollar spent on risk-reduction saves at least two on reconstruction.

仿写:This is despite evidence that time and energy devoted to action means more than to empty talk. (2013江苏高考)

3.解释句

原句10:Better sewers (下水道)make it less likely thatheavy rain is followed by an outbreak ofthe disease of bad stomach.

仿写:Supervision makes it less likely that online rating is followed by an outbreak of cheatings.

4.建议句

原句11:Sincethe poorest are least likely tomake up for their losses from disasters linked to El Niño, reducing their losses needs to be the priority.

仿写:Since the present large-scale construction is least likely to address traffic jams, making people obeying rules and regulations needs to be the priority. (2015年江苏高考)

本篇经过整理,共有十一个句子仿写。笔者过后在思考:如果每篇阅读都能如此,那100篇后就是上千个收获。这何愁写不好句子?我准备新学期在学校和网课教学中都会如此,相信一定会有很大突破。

由于我的微信(xuetang100)已经不能加了,导致很多朋友申请,我无能为力,尤其担心读者会误解我,我又申请了一个,欢迎读者们加微信好友,互相切磋(本人比较喜欢每天发心得,请勿见怪),新微信号:sunsanwu35 (已经加过的前面的不用加)

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